40 Weeks.

39 Weeks.

We are progressing just a little bit on the slow side, as per the Doctor. I am now just barely 1.5 cm dilated and 70% effacing. However, not all is completely stagnant - there has been some progress. Baby boy Harris has dropped very low in my pelvis, which is most likely explaining the pain I have been feeling throughout my lower back and thighs. At this point all signs point to this boy hanging in there past his deadline, something Blake and I have suspected all along. We were both late babies, so I guess its only fair. Although, even though I know the longer he cooks the healthier he'll be, I am starting to feel extremely impatient. Especially when I look down at my puffy and very unattractive feet. I swear they aren't even mine at this point!

-Jess.

Week No. 38

Blake and I finished the nursery last weekend, although Blake really did most of the work. It turned out amazing. Better than what I had planned or expected. I am so excited to meet our baby boy and bring him home. I have began counting down the days, and I find myself reminding Blake constantly of the little time we have left for ourselves. I am positive he is sick of hearing about it. 

The doctor says our baby boy appears healthy and it seems he is more active than ever. I love holding my hand against my belly and feeling his little foot swipe up against it over and over. I know I will miss that sensation more than anything. There's nothing quite like it. 

Recently, I've started having more frequent Braxton Hicks contractions and false labor throughout my back. Sometimes it hurts so bad I find myself curling up into a ball (or as much of a ball as I can) and just pouting it out like a child. Blake is so amazing; he really has done such a great job taking care of me and I'm so grateful to have him. I would truly be helpless without him in my life, especially now when I find myself so overwhelmed at times. There is no one else in this world that I can even imagine making this commitment with and starting a family. I know he is going to be an absolute amazing dad, and I can't wait to see him hold his little baby boy. 

Although there is a small part of me who is worried this baby might just make an arrival earlier than planned, I take comfort in knowing that we are finally ready. 

-Jess.

Three.

Indiana turned 3 years old today. I can't believe it. No way does it seem like she has been part of the family for that long. I love this dog. She's amazing. The best dog in the world, and that's not just me being biased. She really is a sweetheart. She is never territorial with other dogs, a lover of all people (even those that don't deserve it), and she just has the cutest and sweetest personality in the world.

Happy Birthday Miss Indiana! We love you!

-Jess.

Thoughts on Baby at Week 36.

We are now nearly four weeks away from bringing this baby boy into the world. Time has moved so quickly, and these last nine months have been somewhat of a blur for Blake and myself. It is so overwhelming when I think how our lives are about to change, in ways I cannot possibly imagine. Baby boy's real, but at the same time he's not, and sometimes Blake and I simply can't believe this is all really happening. I have began counting down the days, which isn't entirely a good thing. There have been times when I have been so stressed and anxious with the thought of his arrival that I find myself camping out in the middle of his nursery room floor, analyzing every item and symbol of our soon-to-be reality. Sometimes I find myself breaking down a little and tearing up in these quiet moments; when I'm alone in his room, feeling him kick and nudge inside my belly, just taking everything in.

I am somewhat of a worrier, especially about the unknown. Throughout this last week I have started to worry about so many random and vague things. Breast feeding, sleeping, showing too little attention, showing too much attention, crawling, potty training, talking, walking, reading, writing, tying shoes, and the list goes on. In general, I think I am just utterly terrified of being a mom. Throughout my life there have been many people who have told me they could never picture me as a mom. Lately, I find myself lingering on this thought, wondering why this is and if I can, in fact, be a mom. A good mom, that is. Blake has been amazing for me. He is constantly encouraging and reminding me that everything will be okay. I love that man so much. He is truly my rock. Its a funny thing, all of my random little worries. Because deep down I know Blake and I will be okay. I know we will get everything worked out and baby boy will have all that he needs - and probably more. I know that he will be loved. 

-Jess.