We are now nearly four weeks away from bringing this baby boy into the world. Time has moved so quickly, and these last nine months have been somewhat of a blur for Blake and myself. It is so overwhelming when I think how our lives are about to change, in ways I cannot possibly imagine. Baby boy's real, but at the same time he's not, and sometimes Blake and I simply can't believe this is all really happening. I have began counting down the days, which isn't entirely a good thing. There have been times when I have been so stressed and anxious with the thought of his arrival that I find myself camping out in the middle of his nursery room floor, analyzing every item and symbol of our soon-to-be reality. Sometimes I find myself breaking down a little and tearing up in these quiet moments; when I'm alone in his room, feeling him kick and nudge inside my belly, just taking everything in.
I am somewhat of a worrier, especially about the unknown. Throughout this last week I have started to worry about so many random and vague things. Breast feeding, sleeping, showing too little attention, showing too much attention, crawling, potty training, talking, walking, reading, writing, tying shoes, and the list goes on. In general, I think I am just utterly terrified of being a mom. Throughout my life there have been many people who have told me they could never picture me as a mom. Lately, I find myself lingering on this thought, wondering why this is and if I can, in fact, be a mom. A good mom, that is. Blake has been amazing for me. He is constantly encouraging and reminding me that everything will be okay. I love that man so much. He is truly my rock. Its a funny thing, all of my random little worries. Because deep down I know Blake and I will be okay. I know we will get everything worked out and baby boy will have all that he needs - and probably more. I know that he will be loved.
-Jess.
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